[TiG] The Irish Guard - UK & Irish PC Gaming Clan & Gaming Community
General Stuff => General Chit Chat => Topic started by: [TiG]jalls on April 11, 2006, 09:32:18 PM
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Rafael Benitez was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her shopping.He stopped and asked, "Can you manage dear?" The old lady replied,"F**k Off - You got yourself into this mess, don't ask me to sort it out!"
What do you get if you see a Liverpool fan buried up to his neck in sand?
More sand.
A man hands over a ?50 note to the turnstyle operator at Anfield
"Two please".
Turnstyle Operator: "Will that be defenders or strikers, sir?"
Q. How can you tell someone is a level headed Liverpool supporter?
A. He dribbles from both sides of his mouth - at the same time.
At a recent Liverpool v Everton derby, Duncan Ferguson goes into the blues changing room to find all his team mates looking a bit glum.
"What's up?" he asks.
"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only Liverpool but we can't be bothered, we always beat them".Big Dunc looks at them and says "Well, I reckon I can beat these by myself, you lads go down the pub."
So Dunc goes out to play the reds by himself and the rest of the Everton team go off for a few beers. After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the teletext on. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads "Everton 1 - Liverpool 0 (Ferguson 10minutes)". He is beating the Liverpool all by himself! Anyway, a few more pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on". They put the teletext on. "Result from the Anfield "Everton 1 (Ferguson 10 minutes) - Liverpool 1 (Owen 89 minutes)".
They can't believe it, he has single handedly got a draw!! They rush back to the Anfield to congratulate him. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands. He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down, I've let you down." "Don't be daft, you got a draw, all by yourself. And they only scored at the very very end!"
"No, No, I have, I've let you down... I got sent off after 12 minutes"
:P
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